Way's To Help Your Toddler With Biting
Biting is a part of a toddler's development, it will happen several times. You will have to be patient but consistent with your reactions and reminders to best help your child.
Why Do Toddlers Bite?
Many toddlers bite when frustrated; this is how they express themselves in a high emotional state. Toddlers at this stage of their development are very impulsive and do not always have the ability, words, control, or patience to reason through most problems, so they communicate frustrations through this action; as a result, biting is very common.
The most common types of bitters.
The copycat. A child who has seen other children bite and get things their way.
The attention seeker. A child who is biting to get any form of attention.
The overly smart\overly bored child. A child who sees biting as a game, a form of control or a form of manipulation or excitement.
The non-speaker: A child who does not have the words to defend themselves or convey their feelings.
The teething child. A child who is in pain due to the process of teething and is looking for some form of comfort for their teeth.
The innocent participant is a child who does not understand that biting hurts yet. This child usually has parents or siblings at home who use biting in a playful manner or do not speak to the child when they bite; so, the child gets confused and does not realize that it is something that is not good until they get bitten a few times.
A tip: Parents should give more positive attention to constructive behaviors to prevent regular biting episodes for attention. For example, give your child more positive feedback, specific praises, and meaningful rewards when they try and do positive behaviors. This can help encourage your toddler to display more desirable behaviors and show them that biting is not the only way to communicate or get things. Also, do not let any form of biting slide react to it from the start in a firm tone (not yelling) so your child does not think it is a game. Teach your child other ways to get their feelings across when frustrated.
Model turn-taking and waiting your turn for things. Stop giving your child everything immediately, especially if they are the only child.
Model through reading books about biting
Model through doing puppet shows about biting.
Model through teaching two simple words or actions to use when they are feeling frustrated.
Model by praising your child when they use their words or actions instead of their teeth.
Keep an eye on your child if you know they are biting when playing with other children so that you can intervene quickly to prevent biting.
1. Respond From The Start
From the first time your child bites, please respond immediately and be consistent. Please get down to your child's level, have a calm but firm voice, gently hold their hands, face them, and start talking with them. Having calm body language can help your child lower their emotional state.
Start by stating what you saw happen.
Acknowledge their emotions and feelings.
Let them know that biting is not ok.
Things to say to your younger toddler
“I can see that you are angry, it’s ok to feel angry, but it’s not ok to bite; it hurts, Och.”
“I know you are angry but biting hurts; it is not ok to bite someone.”
‘‘It is ok to feel angry but not to bite; it hurts.”
“Biting people hurt them; this is not ok.”
**Please also let your child know what they can do instead of biting- Say “Stop, my turn, no, mine,” put out your hand like a stop sign and say “stop,” or call me, and I will come.
Things to say to your older toddler
“Mary took the car from you; I know you are mad, but it’s not ok to bite her.”
“I can see that you are angry. It is ok to feel angry, but it is not ok to bite. It hurts.”
“Biting people hurts; this is not ok. Say it is my turn with the toy.”
**Please also tell your child what they can do instead of biting- Say, “Stop, it's my turn,” “5 more minutes.” “After me, you can have it”.
2. Give Time For Teeth Exploration
Regularly let your toddler have mirror time to explore their teeth, make faces, and practice mouth movements. Of course, your child might use this time to touch their teeth, chomp their teeth, show you things, or just be silly, but it’s ok; it’s all a part of their self-discovery process. A part of teeth exploration is giving your child safe things to chew and bite. For example, a chewable ring and safe foods to bite.
Let’s reduce biting
Encourage your child to touch their teeth and ask them, “How do your teeth feel.”
Teach your child's teeth language to use to describe their teeth and what teeth are used for.
Give a few examples of things teeth are used for. For example, “Use your teeth for chewing food.” You can use picture books to show this.
Always state why biting people is not okay and give reminders, such as “People get hurt when you bite them.”You can give these reminders by singing a song, doing puppet shows, or reading books.
Ask your child why they bite. This usually works for older toddlers.
Tell your child what they can do instead of biting and come up with solutions together. For example, you could say, " You can have a turn after I am finished,” then move away from the other child.
3. Teach Valid De-stressor Words
Model and communicate using simple words and strategies that your child can say and do during stressful situations instead of biting. Parents can do this by modelling these words and actions to their children through role-playing, reading books, play sessions, singing, puppet play, or verbally talking to their children.
Things that your toddler can say instead
‘‘I am still playing with the toy”.(Older)
‘‘My turn’’. (Younger)
“It's my turn with the toy.” (Older)
“I am still playing with the car.” (Older)
“Stop, my turn.” (Younger)
‘‘I will give you the toy after.” (Older)
“I will give you when I am finished.”(Older)
“5 more minutes for me”.(Older)
“Stop. I don’t like it…” (Younger and Older)
“Leave me alone please” (Older)
“When I am done, you can have it” (Older)
Please keep the words age-appropriate and one-structured. For example, younger toddlers say “no,” “stop,” or “my turn.”
Model turn-taking and waiting your turn for things. Stop giving your child everything right away and make your child wait for things sometime.
Teach a few simple hand actions to younger toddlers. Such as covering their mouths with their hands when they feel like biting, putting out their hands, and saying stop.
Show your child appropriate behaviors, words they can say, and what to do in these situations. Dramatic play is a beautiful way to show this.
Use picture books to teach and model biting. It is okay to reread the same book, and please give time for your child to point out and talk about the pictures. Also, ask your child open-ended questions about emotions, such as “why the character is crying? What happened? Why are they sad? Why they say ouch,” so they can talk about it in their own words.
If your child is teething, please get them a teething ring, chew toys, or both. Also, get some for daycare so your child can wear it around their necks when needed.
Observe what toys your child bites down on, and if possible, try to choose a chewing ring with a similar texture.
4. Read To Teach More
Several books can be found at the library, computer, bookstore, or audiobooks that target biting, emotions, and using words. Reading with your child can help create a safe feeling while assisting with this developmental behavior. Choose picture books with realistic characters and emotions, short words, and age-appropriate explanations so your toddler can understand better. Also, while reading, please point to the images, talk about the story, and point out emotional reactions and how the story is like your child’s biting.
Let your child talk a lot about what they see.
Let your child share how they feel.
Let your child tell you about past events when they got bit or bit another child.
Talk about reactions and emotions after a biting happens.
Talk about what Mommy and Daddy use their teeth for.
Talk about happy and sad emotions.
Talk about ways to be nice to friends.
Talk about strategies to say to friends during play emotions.
5. Learn Your Child’s Stresses
Observe your child to see what sparks their biting responses. This can be other children, toys, environments, moods, hunger, times, or above. By finding these triggers, you can assist your child in finding some solutions and decrease these stressors a bit. Parents should stay close and watch when their toddlers start in new environments, are around new children, have new toys, and are more stressed because these are sometimes when more biting might happen. Learn how to recognize your child’s signs when they are frustrated or on the verge of losing control; this can be done by observing your child. By observing your child, you can help prevent some problems before they happen.
Give room to express emotions
Although you want to help your child cope before they get into uncontrollable frustration, giving them space to feel and express their feelings is still essential. Modelling can teach kids that emotions come and go and that having and expressing emotions is normal and okay. Show your toddler how you cope when you have different feelings; in the end, this can help strengthen your child’s emotional recognition.
6. Try different positive Approaches
Try to intervene; you can say, “I know you want the ball, but it’s not your turn now.” For example, show them another toy, read a book, cuddle, sing a song, or play music.
Try redirecting your child’s attention to another exciting thing. This usually works for most toddlers, but sometimes it might not, and your child will have a temper tantrum. If this happens, give them time to go through this process. Then, when they are calm, try redirecting them again. For example, show them another toy, read a book, cuddle, sing a song, or play music.
Try giving them a gentle touch before they start losing control, and then try distracting them with exciting toys, an interesting comment, or an interesting thing within the environment. Try to guide them to a more appropriate space away from the trigging element. The gentle touch can be a soft hand on their shoulder or a gentle tap while showing them something.
Try natural consequences if a child keeps on biting for the same toy. For example, let them know the toy will be put away because they keep biting others for it.
**For any of these to even start to work, parents, caregivers, and grandparents need to start from early teaching their child about turn-taking, not sharing. Turn-taking is more age and developmentally-appropriate for a toddler to learn to understand; let your child wait for things sometimes. If they want an object you are using, do not give them right away; let them know “it is your turn, and they can have it soon.” Wait a bit and then give it to them, be consistent and over time your child will learn this skill so that they can be more ready in this type of situation when at daycare or around other children.
7. Provide A Calming Environment
The home environment should be set up to reduce stress and frustration for your child. This can be done by placing toys and materials at levels and places your child can reach, have a choice, and be independent. Please provide a variety of open-ended toys at your child's current skill level that has variety. In addition, having natural consequences, consistency, a few rules and choices, clear expectations, and redirecting within the daily routine can help your child.
A tip: Please be aware of what is being said around your toddler; they are at a stage where they use a wide range of language and can understand others. Parents should also model positive interactions with others daily and give their children attention and love.
Five steps If Your Child Bits Another Child?
1. Move fast. Remove your toddler from the child they have bitten.
2. Check the other child. Cater to the bitten child, wash the bite mark with soap and then ice it.
3. Talk with your child. When conveying that biting is unacceptable, make eye contact and be at your child’s level. For example, say, “biting is not ok; it hurts. Look at Tom; he is crying.” Use a firm tone (not yelling) and have firm facial expressions.
4. Redirect your child. Show your child another activity away from the other child. If the two children still want to play with each other, stay close to them and keep a watchful eye on both children.
5. Explain to the parent. Inform the other parents what happened respectfully and truthfully. Please do not play the blaming game; biting can happen to any child and is part of being a toddler.
**Use picture books, together time, mealtime, brushing teeth time and song time to discuss using teeth for the proper things and go over ways to communicate.