Toddlers And Their Temper Tantrums
Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?
Temper tantrums are one of the significant ways your toddler conveys that they are losing emotional control and need help. Since most toddlers can not verbally express or understand their feelings, temper tantrums show that your child feels incredibly frustrated, overwhelmed, and unhappy with something. This is usually expressed through loud yelling, crying, kicking, and screaming.
1. Stay calm
Remove your child from the frustrating area or person, lay them on a soft surface, and give them room to have their tantrum. Once they seem to be calming down, get down to their level, provide them with eye contact, check your energy and mood and only start talking to your child if you are calm. Also, make sure that you stay consistent with your previous decisions and words.
Begin by acknowledging your child’s feelings, say, “I see you are frustrated; how can I help you?” If it is something reasonable, help them solve their frustration, but if it is something they still can not have, say, “I know it makes you mad that you can’t have that toy now, but….”. Remember to choose your battles and keep firm with your decisions; if it’s something you can say yes to from the start, do so. So that you are not flip-flopping on your words, this will help prevent your child from learning that you will give in and change your mind if they start throwing a tantrum.
How to calm down your child faster
Give some time and space for your child to get through their tantrum.
Give your child your full attention, and look them in the eye when speaking to them.
Stay calm with your words, tone and body language.
Acknowledge their feelings.
Give your toddler enough time to answer the questions asked.
Follow up by saying a fact, restating your position and repeating your decision.
Give your child other simple choices so they feel like they are getting something.
Provide physical comfort after your child has calmed down if they want, such as a hug or just sitting close to you. Remember to ask them if they want a hug first.
Provide positive feedback when your child tries to control their feelings or when they get through their tantrums.
2. Read Books About Emotions
Reading picture books regularly that show characters positively expressing their emotions, problem-solving and working through similar age-appropriate issues can help your toddler see and learn how to work through similar situations.
3. Offer Controllable Choices
Present controllable choices to your child after they have calmed down, can help them reclaim their feeling of control and feel they are getting what they want more positively. These choices should be healthy and based on practical things related to the main issue. For example, if your child wants cookies before dinner, you can say, “I know that you are hungry, but the cookies are not healthy to eat now; you can have a banana or an apple before dinner.” Please keep choices between two things so your child is not confused.
4. Watch How Things Are Said
Communicate briefly why your decision is what it is to your child rather than just saying “no” to what they are asking for. For example, say, “It's unsafe to ride your bike inside; you might fall.” Be consistent and stick to your decision no matter how hard it is or who is looking at you.
If your toddler is whining about a toy. “I have heard your words; you want it, but we are not getting it today; I have other things to get.”
If your toddler refuses to go home, “Please stop; I have listened to your words; now it's time for you to listen to mine; it's time to go home and have dinner. We can play some more after.”
5. Let Your Child go Through Their Tantrum
Give your child a safe space, enough room, and time for them to have their temper tantrums. If they are on the floor, move their body to a carpet and let them roll around. Let your child know you are nearby, and stay close so they can still see you. When they seem to be done, come back, get down to their level and see if they want a hug. Give your child your full attention, and look them in the eye when speaking to them.
Stay calm in your words, tone and body language.
Acknowledge their feelings.
Don’t give into what they want if it’s something you already said no to.
Follow up by saying a fact, restating your position and repeating your decision.
Give your child other simple choices so they feel like they are getting something.
In time, your child’s temper tantrums will become shorter because they will learn that they won’t get what they want and will come out of them faster. For this to work, parents must stay strong and consistent, give full attention and not give in.